The big one--a major, bold, and innovative project. Most Peace Corps volunteers, at least in my estimation, want a Big One that they can point to as their success story, their volunteer legacy. I do not seem to be immune to this desire and I have to say, it's looking like the Big One will elude me. When I leave Macedonia, there will be no new building or annual event which I can say I created. Maybe I have unrealistic expectations for myself but lately I feel like my efforts have fallen short.
Tomorrow is Earth Day and as the lone environmental volunteer in my group, I feel as though I should have done a huge activity. Instead, I taught two classes with environmental lessons, one to kids and another to an adult English class. With the kids, it was organized chaos as I tried to be heard over about 16 rambunctious children in a small area. If I'm lucky, a few of them got the green messages above the din. Counting the 30 or so people in the adult class along with the kiddos, I reached about 0.05% of the city's population so, go me.
I got turned down to be a trainer for the next group of incoming volunteers, mainly because Peace Corps wants me to spend more time with my new work site after leaving the national park. I feel like I am being punished for being given a bad assignment in the first place and if the intent is to help me land the Big One, I think it will be for naught. Maybe I'm just grumpy because I have stitches on my back (minor thing, don't worry) and I haven't been able to exercise all week.
With the recent coverage of how Greg Mortenson allegedly exaggerated his accomplishments in his bestseller "Three Cups of Tea," maybe it is a good thing that I am keeping it real and saying yeah, I've only done a little bit. Thinking about writing this entry, I came across this Chinese proverb that gives me some reassurance:
It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward.
I think it's the small stuff for me and I'm trying to be okay with that, embracing the forward momentum. Small but significant, for instance, is that I got two guys from my new boys club to volunteer in helping me teach the kids for Earth Day and they did a super job. And hey, if there was any doubt that I'm still a top notch volunteer, I suggest you read this great writeup by my friend Patrice, formerly a volunteer here and now a life coach. It's part of a series she is doing in honor of the 50th anniversary of Peace Corps, so I encourage you to scroll through her blog and read about other volunteers' contributions, big and small.
It was pretty weird for me to realize that the regional spelling bee was my "big" project. The schools have expressed interest in doing the project again next year, so maybe it'll be something that'll be carried on - but it's not exactly what I was picturing as my big project a year ago. When I first moved to site I walked around making lists of things I could do - you know, the city center is so run-down, we can improve it! There's no sports hall, we can build a sports hall! There's no place for women to gather and do things like take classes, we can make a center like that! Now I can't believe I ever thought I'd do anything of those things...I'm trying to learn to be happy with the smaller scope of my service now, with things like running English clubs and getting kids excited to hang out after school.
ReplyDelete-- ellen
Your spelling bee was definitely a big feat, Ellen, it's a project to be proud of and I hope they do continue having bees! We should discuss the merits of small projects sometime soon over some temno lashkos.
ReplyDelete