Don't Ask, Don't Tell

At least once a month I conduct English conversation hour at the American Corner, an opportunity for people in Bitola (locals, expats, visitors, anybody really) to discuss various topics in English. This week, I decided to raise the topic of ending (maybe? probably?) the U.S. military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. I chose this subject because, to me, that is more or less the attitude towards homosexuality in Macedonia--people don't ask if someone is gay and gay people don't say that they are, in fact, gay. There is a huge stigma to being gay in Macedonia and acts of violence can result from being openly gay. Nobody from here has ever told me that they are gay. Some people deny that there are even homosexuals in Macedonia at all. As a straight person who feels everyone should be free to embrace whatever their sexuality is, I oftentimes feel uncomfortable about how homosexuality is treated here.

During Tuesday's conversation hour, the range of views here were represented, everything from being gay is a "disease" to it's "okay." On the disease end, being gay was considered in the same category as pedophilia. Some felt it was okay, as long as gay individuals kept their gayness to themselves. On the fully okay end were those who suspected they had gay friends. Overall I was happy we could have a frank discussion about a typically taboo subject. Also, it was a chance to relate how attitudes are evolving in America to where more and more states are legalizing gay marriage and adoption, not to mention the potential change to the military's policy.

Among Peace Corps volunteers, we have codeword for "gay." We use this codeword so we can discuss the topic without accidentally drawing negative attention to people who are, or may be, gay. As far as I know, no volunteer in Macedonia has been able to serve openly as a gay person. Such volunteers may have revealed the truth to select people, but I think it must be especially trying to hide such an important part of their identity.

A campaign has been launched in America by Dan Savage, a sex advice columnist, called "It Gets Better." He wanted a way to let LGBT teens know that even if their sexuality is resulting in abuse, loneliness, or other hardships now, it gets better when you reach adulthood. On the website he started, people can upload videos talking about their challenges growing up as a LGBT person but how life gets better. America is far from a perfect place, clearly evident from the teenage suicides that inspired this project, but there is some solace in knowing that in America, life for LGBTs can get better. I can only hope that as more people in Macedonia shift towards the "okay" end of the spectrum, the same will be true here too.